I am sure most have been in the situation I found myself, staring up at a ceiling, unable to move a limb, wondering how the light will turn off, writing out lines in my head like Bart Simpson in the credits of a Simpsons episode.
I am not 25 anymore.
I am not 25 anymore.
I am not 25 anymore.
I am not 25 anymore.
Not sure I'll learn from this experience. However I survived!
Where did my planning process go wrong. I do remember looking at the day tour before departing Australia. Oh look, snorkeling, zipline, and canyoning in the one day. Sounds fun. Sign me up. What could go wrong.
In my defense when I was in the planning stages of my trip to Philippines Moalboal had come up as a must see. Initially I watched the YouTube videos, and started to investigate my options around the concept of staying in Moalboal for a few days, completing the snorkeling one day, and the canyoning the next. Then reality of distances and organising trips from afar started to muddy the waters. A bus ride to Moalboal was impossible to book online, and then it just seemed a lot of risk getting there and back. Hence Moalboal the idea, became Moalboal the day tour instead. This is where it all went pear shaped. If someone else reads this, and thinks how could they do this differently I offer to you what I ruled out, the overnight 2 day tour. As the second day was the day tour of Oslob I had made the ethical choice of not supporting the "swimming with whalesharks" as it became clear in 10 years time I'd be reflecting upon having supported a "whale petting zoo", the Philippine version of the Thai Tiger Temple. Heck I'm already on the hook for another Thailand equivalent 10 years back by riding the elephants. So once bitten, twice shy. But if you can justify the extra night well I say go for the split of activities. 
The downside of my new Cebu based plan was as I knew it'd be a long day, with departure from 4am, and due to finish at 7pm. But well that schedule wasn't even close. By the time we returned I was falling out of the tour van at 10pm. Long, long, long day. Recovery was brutal. I was broken for days. Glad I allowed for a Cebu touring day after before setting out onto the next destination. So what was in the tour that broke me. The tour was amazing. From the pickup it was about 3 hours until we made it to our first waterfall. The Mantayupan Waterfall stood up to the expectations for the waterfalls of Cebu. This was indeed the island of the Blue Powerade waterfalls. The Acqua blue in my photos is no trick photography. This is why Instagramers and YouTubers were stopping by with their flashy drones. For some tourists this was their main stop as they were going all out based on their getting in for the swim upto the falls on a bamboo raft, with the special instagram worthy photos and all. For us this was just the first stop. Barely rated a mention in the itinerary.
From here it was only a short drive onto our main morning activity, the boat trip to Pescador Island. The boat trip was about a half hour out to a protected reef area around the island where you jump off and swim over the coral. To their credit the tourism operators they do give a full lecture before the trip about not stepping on the coral, and no touching etc. Well done on them for being active about protecting their livelihood from ignorant tourists. Of course being the Philippines you weren't alone on the reef. There were perhaps 20 other boats doing the same boat tour concept. From stop one we moved onto a position next to the township of Moaboal itself. Here was the "swimming with the sardines". It was fantastic. We managed to just drop in and instantly you could see down to the layer of sardines below. I did realise at this point I probably could have went the "hire the flippers" option to make it easier to get down to sardine layer. But well I had enough on my plate. Swimming, snorkeling, and photos at the same time. And well now I've swum with Sardines. Goal was ticked off the bucket list. My memories of it are good enough.
The
boat trip didn't stop there. There was a 3rd stop just 5 minutes down
the coast still just off Moalboal. This third stop was the point at
which we were to swim with the sea turtles. Initially I was a bit
disappointed. Where were they, and how would we get in for a shot if we
even found one. I headed in and didn't see the groups from other boats
were already in full harassment mode. I was sure even if they actually
had a turtle there it'd be outta there quicksmart. Our boat guide though
directed me to just follow the group for a second. eventually the dust
settled and well into the frame a giant size sea turtle appeared. It was
casually munching down on some sea grass and no pesky tourists were
going to take its eye off the meal. Goal was again achieved. Immediately
after I exited having swum enough. Snorkeling hadn't been all just
floating around. There were currents and boats around which to navigate.
And well I knew I'd be us for a heck of a lot more by the days end.
Upon returning to shore we were onto a lunch stop and launch point for the afternoon of Canyoning
in Badian. The tour lunch was just a simple chicken and rice. Here
you're kitted out with life vests, helmets, and sandals ready for the
afternoon. The only decision you need to make is are you walking down to
the canyoning, which takes about 40 minutes, or do you want to pay
extra to complete the giant Zipline.
Now I knew I was paying extra. But some of the locals in the tour
realised late that they hate walking more before getting to the same
decision. I wanted to do a Zipline and what better opportunity would I
have. Once you commit what they don't mentally prepare you for is the 5
minute motorcycle ride upto the zipline. Think awkward motorcycle ride
with 3 people on a small moto, hurling at 30km/h up and down along a
dubious double cement tyre track path which looked slippery. There would
be no stopping, one bounce, and we would have been cactus. I just had
to trust the rider. It did though set the scene for the zipline being
adventure tourism. And well heck you've already signed several waivers.
Anyway we got upto the launching pad, strapped in, and then off you go.
Looking down 100m to the canopy below is amazing. And these are 800m or
so long zip lines. I was Gopro in hand thinking I'd get an awesome
video. Alas my issue was I hadn't understood the instructions for the
zipline properly. Against the instruction I had in my head, I should
have let go of the double hand tie of the ropes to go one in each hand. I
ended up twisted backwards the whole way. This left me without a good
expectation of when to lean back for impact into the destination. Yes I
was "coming in hot". Great fun though.
This
left us with the final and most significant tour component of the day.
Canyoning at Kawasan Falls. Expectations for me had been it'd take about
2 hours, and it'd be all fun and games of psychological doubt of
jumping from varying heights into water from cliffs. And well I didn't
leave the censors down. 5 metres is a long drop from a rocky cliff face.
And well it's not all floating in the life vest down to the next jump
point catching your breathe. I thought you just lean back taking in the
canyon views while floating. Nope it's a physically demanding scramble
over rocks between the multiple levels. My ankles hated it. There is
nothing fun and relaxing about playing twister on slippery rocks. The
brain wanted rest, not combos of
"left arm hold, right foot big rock, followed by left foot small sharp
rock, and right arm push off side walk of rock". And well it just kept
going and going. All up it was 4 hours by the time we escaped the
canyon. Alas for me we were only about three quarters the way down when
the body decided it was too shattered. There I was wanting to stand and
walk to the end of the pool we were in when all of a sudden ping!, "what
the... ! cramp, cramp, cramp". All I could think was, no not now.
Luckily I had made it to a makeshift drinks point where a little old lady
sold water. I just handed over whatever last coins i had in the pocket,
and guzzled that bottle of water I was able to get.
From there onwards I pretty much had my own guide for safety escorting me out down the remaining chain of pools. Luckily for me my main issue was just sheer exhaustion and not a fall etc. I had nothing to prove, and had a good few years on everyone in the tour group. Mentally I was in survival mode, and had a good excuse to just pass on the final 10m rope swings into the deep pools. Just working on scrambling down was enough. My body language wasn't hidden. I looked shattered. I felt shattered. And every muscle from the ankle up was warning me it was a twitch from triggering another cramp. Yes the brain was still in denial. The scenery was visually amazing. But body was having nothing of it.
So by the time we had made the 3 hour drive back to Cebu City I was not thinking more than go to bed. There was no thinking I'd be able to stay awake eating even a basic meal. I wasn't going nowhere. Not even to sit in a chair in the hotel bar with a celebratory drink. All I wanted was a shower, followed by staring at a ceiling laying as still as possible. My holidays are always so relaxing. My brain and eyes loves them. The rest of my body has a differing opinion.
So on reflection if you're 25 go do it. One day, and then go out after in Cebu City. But if you're not, then perhaps you might want to break up the day into the 3 activities this actually was.
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