Yes Chef!

It wasn't Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmare by any stretch. Nor was this any school lunch by Jamie Oliver. This was Vietnamese Cooking 101 with some random chef from the Highway Four Restaurant, and 9 foreigners with a fang for food.


I have now been shown how to cook
Vietnamese Banana Flower Salad
Shrimps Sauteed with Cashew Nuts
Sour Fish Broth
and Imperial Spring Rolls.

And all I remember was the Sweet Chilli dipping sauce was fantastic. And I didn't even get to make that part of the dish.

Marking off the collection of Communist Revolutionary Leaders with Big Egos

Bingo!

Yep at this rate I'll be yelling out Bingo before everyone else. Because I'm now up to 2 Communist Leader Mausoleums. I did Lenin the other year in Moscow.

I now have Uncle Ho's.


It leaves only Mao in Bejing,
Fidel in Cuba, who we all think is not alive.
And that crazy North Korean one from the "Team America" movie whom we all wish wasn't around.

I didn't go in I must admit. If you look at the photo closely. That's the queue leading out to the left of shot. I've done the freaky wait in line to see a dead person for over an hour before. That's just weird if I did it again.

Halong Bay 2 night tour

Ok I've been to Halong Bay. Mission accomplished.

It was not though with picture perfect weather.

After a 3 hour drive traveling only 100 or so kms away. Yes its a slow drive when you're in Asia. Longest involuntary game of chicken with oncoming trucks and mopeds you can play.

The bay is actualyl spectacular. The first afternoon was taken up by traveling to the main cave sightseeing point. Quite surprising.
The 2nd day we had our first ever prisoner exchange. Whereby myself, 2 Swiss, 3 Canadians, and 4 French were exchanged for a a mix of other nations on another boat. Some would say it was because we were on the 3 day tour and not the 2 day tour. But it was as if they were experienced in the process of exchanging us.

After the exchange we headed out to our 2nd day of touring. This entailed a bicycle ride on one part of Cat Ba Island before trekking up a hill into a cave and back.


After which we visited monkey Island. And well lets just say Monkey King is not nice monkey. Our experience was that of our guide feeding the monkeys, and then the Monkey King starting to turn on the tourist when he spotted bigger bags. At which point a valid point was made. Avoid the monkeys biting you unless you want rabies shots. After the monkey feeding was done we were left on the beach, a dozen or so scared tourist on monkey patrol while sun baking, waiting for the monkeys to pounce looking for bags to rummage. Frankly this description of bag thieves would suggest they were actually just former Bus Depot employees. But I have photos of monkeys.

Finally we made out way to the night's destination of Cat Ba Island. Or well the tourist strip. It's a high rise strip of hotels with floating fishing boats in front. So there's a stench of rotting fish to enjoy.

Personally I think I've now just slept on the base of an ensemble bed missing the top matress. Good for the posture they say.

I been to Hanoi, and now Banan' Hanoi

When you get onto a good thing you stick with it.

Hence I went back to the Fanny Ice Cream place. This time I had to have the Banan' Hanoi. Only because it had the cute little hat.

I've gotten my cultural fix.

Sure this place may have been a french culture. It may pride itself on being a artistic centre in Asia. But ask what is the hottest ticket in town and you'll find out it's a ticket to the Water Puppets.

Best way to describe it is... It's Punch and Judy on Water.


Sadly though it is now the most meaningful way I have learnt about the Vietnamese culture.

I still reckon it's chicken!

I'm now 2 days into the Hanoi experience. And yet to see Dog or Cat on the menu. But it doesn't mean it isn't.


I mean sure. It may say chicken, or pork, or beef. But how can I be sure. Really.

Well it ain't certain but last night I'm pretty sure it wasn't pigeon. Yes pigeon was on the menu served with honey.


But to prove in my head that I will not have strange urges in the future just to fly home I point out to you that Pigeon is a small bird. Yet my meal had a drumstick. And there are no pigeons in the Hanoi City Centre. (Or they're in hiding.),

So on this flawed unrelated train of thought I have convinced myself it wasn't pigeon.

Sure I do not have absolute proof. But can you make a pigeon into this?

I didn't see the lady with a pigeon Feather Duster for sale. There is only real chicken feather on that there stick.

Alas customs will not be having to tell me that I can't bring a feather duster through customs.

They just can't stop staring at my big Dong!

Everywhere I go the Vietnamese women keep asking to see it. They keep asking for it. I just don't know what to say.

Check out my Big Dong. Don't be shy. It doesn't bite.


Sure it may look just like everyone else's Dong. But it must be good or they wouldn't keep asking for it.

Perhaps they're excited by its size. Because every time they say something, they then ask to touch my Dong. They then take it in their hand, and hand me back a smaller Dong. They love my Dong so much they then shower me with gifts when handing me back smaller dongs.

Danger Will Robinson, danger!

Last night marked a weird moment for the hotel here in Hanoi. They had a weird crazy women ranting outside. She was actually getting quite violent waving her motorbike helmet around. Even attacking a staff member with it. We all have no idea what it was about.

Luke and Sarah, the Australian hotel managers could do nothing but hide up the back with the rest of us. It was as if she was pissed off at the hotel. Perhaps for bringing in the tourist or pissed off at the hotel taking her customers away.

The lady just stood on the step trying to incite the crowd watching her into flooding into the hotel and join her in screaming. Perhaps it was an attempted shakedown. Who knows.

All I got to see was the Vietnamese business partners ended up sorting it out. They spent the time up the back on the phone.

I got entertainment for a half hour.

Luke, Sarah, if you're reading this. I had your back if it went down. I would have put on my best french accent, and then re-enacted the best french retreat since Vietnamese independence.

I got a Cylco today

Hardly a person missed out reminding me of the unfortunate experience 2 years ago when I was last in Asia. There was a resounding be careful before I left.

Today I arrived into Hanoi, Vietnam. I organised a "Private Car" to get from the airport to the hotel. Thankfully I've done my research and ended up with a good hotel, Hanoi Rendezvous Hotel. A good hotel with a Brisbane couple managing the joint. If you can't trust another Brisbane person who can you trust.

Anyway after dropping the bags I set out. Set out in search of direction. Which I still lack. I tried following the map. Really I did. But I can say without a doubt I have no idea how these streets lay out. The only positive I can say is that my previous travels have me unconcerned at "playing Frogger" crossing the road.

After finding my direction of north and south I managed to find the centre of Hanoi, the Hoan Kiem Lake.

Around the lake there are lots of locals sitting around enjoying the scenery. Around the edges are examples of Engrish for photography. Fanny. Who calls an ice cream shop Fanny. Really.

What is described as a lovely walk watching the locals partake in exercise was actually a walk watching locals partake in English practise. I sat for a mere moment before being approached by a lass asking to practise her English. Yes I was on high alert for a fraudster wanting to lead me elsewhere. But she ended up really being someone who wanted to practise her english. I really wasn't a good subject. My defenses were right up.

Anyway. By this time I was feeling a bit tired. So I went and grabbed a "Cyclo". After all I would dare not get a Moto rider!

Cyclos are good. To be precise they are one scoop Stawberry, Mango, and one scoop of I think macadamia.


No I didn't try getting in the back of a real cyclo. It was a walking day. The other Cyclo had satisfied my need. To say the least the scene after the photo above was a cyclo massacre. Strwberry everywhere down the waffle cone seat. But I was on the scene with spoon cleaning up the mess quickly. That's the kind of guy I am.

I didn't even leave the airport before the funny photos appeared

What's funnier than engrish.

Yep it's tough to think of anything when you come across examples like this as you leave the airplane.


If you can't read it into being funny. Then you don't get my humour.

I'm not kidding when I tell you this was the first add I saw as I went to walk up the ramp to customs. What's really disturbing is the kids playing in the background.

I'm Tuning up for tomorrow.

I've just gotten into KL for the 1 night stay. Staying at the airport at the TUNE Hotel. Malaysia's version of a cheap hotel like the Super 8. And we'll it's what you'd expect for a $40 room.

But main thing is it's only 500m from the airport. Good position when you have a 6:30am flight tomorrow.

I still love cheap flights

This week I'm off to Vietnam. Just for a week. Because I can.

Can't but go forthe price. The flights have cost me all up less than $600 return to Vietnam. And that's after me lashing out and spending an extra $40 each way to get extra leg room.

Hopefully I'll find an internet cafe along the way so I can keep you all up with my latest mis-adventure.